Jumping the Gun

Over the past week, I somehow managed to write over fifty pages on a new story. (Thirty of that was yesterday in the space of about six hours. I'm not sure where it's going exactly. I have an idea, but sometimes by the time a book is done, it has veered off seriously from where you thought it was going. It might still do that. No guarantees. But so far, the book is exactly what I envisioned it being.

The problem is this is the point at which I usually jump the gun and go running to the nearest writer/reader friend for feedback on the characters, plot, etc. It's like I'm suddenly filled with self doubt that anyone will want to read it - that anyone will enjoy these characters, or feel what they are feeling and understand why. Which is bunk. Because if there's one thing I should know by now, it's that my characters are strong, and their conflicts are real live things that people can feel. So last night, I decided not to do that. Not to ask anyone to read it yet. I've met some other writers who write in the dark, get critique, and then go back in the dark to apply said critique. For a long time, I've kind of begged for others to come in the dark room. But as a result, I'm not always happy with where the plot goes, with the character's final catharsis. Because you get a well-meaning litany of "Well, why did she do that? I don't think so-and-so would really act like that" And "That scene was pointless. Take it out."

As a writer, we do need this feedback, sure! And the newer we are to the craft, the more feedback is necessary to round out the opinions until we can learn our weaknesses, educate ourselves, and develop our own style. We need to deal with flaws the story has that are going to prevent our target audience from getting the emotion or point we're trying to make (and I'm less often trying to make a point than to get to an emotion - usually one we forbid ourselves to be with). We need this feedback to polish the work - to turn a manuscript into a book - but at times, particularly in the beginning phase, the feedback can make you lose that loving feeling.

So it's been really hard not to email my crit partner and ask her for a read. Because truthfully, what if she does hate it? What if she does see holes in my beginning? (She's bound to at thirty pages.) This is not what you need to hear when you're starting a new book, particularly if you are more experienced and confident in your writing. These kind of comments will get me off in a direction that doesn't favor creation. It gets me off in a direction that has me repeating the words, "sucky hack" over and over in my mind.

I'm going to try to save this one. For when the first draft is done. Or at least until I've hit a serious bump in the road, and my asking people to read is more out of necessity than a desire to hear what a genius I am. I'll let you know how that goes.